I wanted to share a behind-the-scenes (challenging) story with you from completing my first book, Living Deeply: A Transformational Journey Through Deep Pain, Loss and Abandonment to Healing, Self-Love and Miracles and some great lessons and things that happened from it. With this, this story will help you understand why something may feel “right” or aligned, but doesn’t necessarily “work out,” and it includes how I undid the feeling of always running out of time.
So, a-year-and-a-half-ago, as I began writing my book, I started thinking about who I was going to self-publish with, and I landed on a self-publisher that felt right to me. I even checked in with a coach, who confirmed this decision. (While one of my friends, who’s also a coach, encourages me to ask other kinds of questions in my decision-making process, many times one of the questions I like to ask is if it’s in my highest good to (fill in the blank). This is a great question if you’re wanting to live from your soul, but not always as great if you’re more focused on physical-world results. That being said, in this case, I got a yes that it was in my highest good.)
So, when it came time to move forward and hire them, to be honest, I didn’t do the due diligence I should have done in researching the company, as in my mind, I thought they had a good reputation and it was intuitively reading as a yes. (Lesson #1.)
Then, when it finally came time to turn over the manuscript, that’s when the “fun” started, which included tons of poor communication and broken promises. In essence, they were turning something that was so light and exciting for me into something that was soul sucking.
Still thinking it was in my highest good, though, and with this, having a strong desire to get my book out into the world, I stayed longer than I should have.
It was during this time, though, when I had begun believing that everything should be rooted in ease and joy, and most importantly, that I was worthy of this and that I could create it this way, if I desired to.
So, after weeks of torturing myself (I told you I stayed longer than I should have!), I stepped back, which was a completely different practice (and instinct) for me. In the past, I would have just forged ahead and pushed forward. (Sound familiar? :)) I was hesitant to at first, because the energy was still reading that moving forward was in my highest good. But, after sharing this story with one of my favorite people and trusted confidants, she encouraged me (and really gave me the permission I needed) to walk away. Up until then, I had been hesitant to walk away, not only because of how the energy was reading, but because of my desired timeline. Her nudge, though, helped me to walk away to create a much lighter experience for myself.
What happened next still blows my mind.
I started researching and ended up realizing most of the process I had hired the publisher to do, albeit time-consuming, was easy to do on my own, and the one thing I needed was a book cover and interior designer. I began looking, and while I was tempted to force it (again!) just to get a quick solution (and really, to fill the space), I took my time. Even when someone came in my field that felt like it would be a calm and easy process, I trusted that excitement was part of this process too, so while I was tempted to move forward, I waited to find someone that I felt excited about working with. (Again, the old me could not have said this.)
It took 1-2 weeks more when I finally found the person I wanted to work with. Even now, after several weeks, the cover she created still blows my mind in the best way possible!
AND, more importantly, it hit me recently why I am no longer creating the feeling of running out of time in this area of my life. It was this “activation” that I was put through.
I had to face the feeling of running out of time to realize that my new timeline was going to work out just fine, that some of the reasons why I was “rushing” this process I could still do even without a final product, and with this, I had plenty of time.
Now to understand just how big this is, this is a feeling I was creating consciously and subconsciously my whole life, a lot because of the loss of my mom when I was seventeen, and while I had helped clients undo their own versions of this paradigm, I still hadn’t fully undone this for myself.
Living in this new paradigm is unbelievable to me, but it feels so much better than the alternative.
Not to mention it helps answer the question of why hiring the first publisher initially read in my highest good – sometimes just because something reads as a yes, it’s part of our soul growth and not rooted in the human definition of something working out.
That being said, where have you had something not “work out” and yet have gotten a life-changing lesson, awareness or transformation from that experience? I’d love to know! Simply reply to this email.
To the unexpected in the best way possible!
Deb