It’s been awhile since I’ve reached out, and I wanted to share what’s been going on.
It all started in February when the light was shined on many of my relationships. Hint: It was not good.
And, while I was grateful for the light that was being shined, I found myself, sometimes purposely, and sometimes not-so-purposely, sitting with what had happened, scared and anxious, and even hiding at times.
For the first time in a really long time, I felt human. 🙂
In all seriousness, though, I was having a hard time determining what my truth even was, let alone sharing it. Growing up, I had been conditioned to manage others’ emotions, not cause conflict and that what people thought of me was super important. Simply put, I found myself struggling with being kind, and really, liked, versus being honest and there seemed to be no clear answer.
It was not too long ago when I hit my breaking point. I was on the phone with a good friend, sharing my inner conflict of how this pattern had showed up AGAIN.
Did I want to take a stand for myself and how I wanted to be treated or did I want to be liked and agreeable and excuse inexcusable behavior?
That’s when she said to me, in a very loving way, “Deb, I think you know what to do, but you’re just scared to do it.” (Good friends always call you on your b.s..)
It was then that I had clarity. (Prior to that, I wasn’t completely seeing that in not speaking my truth, I was saying ok to unacceptable behavior.) In that moment, I recommitted to being the person who I want to be in this life and in the relationships I want to have, and I re-made the tough decision to share my truth in my relationships, no matter what.
You see, I realized that, in not acknowledging and saying no to the relationships that were unacceptable to me, I wasn’t acknowledging the full opportunity to tell The Universe exactly what I wanted more and less of.
And, my truth is, I want more relationships where I’m being treated kindly, respectfully and where the person I’m in relationship with is also factoring in their impact on me. I want more relationships where my true self, which many might consider different or “out there”, is acknowledged, valued, and really, treasured.
So, while I still have some people to reach out to, I intend to have (and have had) some hard conversations. With these, many times, I’ve found a way to intermix being kind and speaking my truth. That, in itself, has been truly freeing. In the times where this wasn’t the case, I’ve let go of my desire to be liked in favor of my desire to be in full truth, no matter what.
With these conversations and no’s, some new relationships and opportunities have come, and I know this is only the beginning, because, when, I choose to see it and acknowledge it, The Universe always has my back and wants more than I could ever imagine, including in my relationships.
To owning and sharing our truths no matter what!
Deb